I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
