dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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