Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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