small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
