There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Someone shattered a urinal.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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