I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
