Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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