I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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