i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
