i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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