We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize