Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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