i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
that may or may not have been my penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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