I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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