Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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