he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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