.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
