she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
