i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
