Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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