I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
