I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
