it was like his penis was on wheels.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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