Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
