Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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