oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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