Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
