Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize