i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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