Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There's even glitter on my cock...
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