What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
