Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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