we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
