i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
