dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
