"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
third nipple confirmed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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