I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
