look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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