Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
