if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Enjoy the penises
You were trust falling into bushes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
