I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
