I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
