Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
