I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
