And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
