he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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