Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
