The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize