So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
