I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
COCAINE IS GR8
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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