Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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