I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
