would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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