Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is wine microwaveable?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
