On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
