I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize