I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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