so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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