And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
