go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
