is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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