just come out here and I will go home with you...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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