you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My hand turned me down
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
