He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize