ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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