We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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