Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
