On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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