I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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