So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize